"I know its hard when you’re falling down… but get up now. Cause I’m on top of the world now."

(Source: Spotify)

*~Madness~*

The bile rises and falls
I shift uncomfortably in front of you
Watching you sitting there acting the part
I envy how easy you can move on
How calculated your words are
You were full of passion one minute
The next it was gone

You just shut it down & turned it off
Leaving me here wrestling with both of our emotions
Assuming wrong the look behind your eyes
Fighting with every ounce of energy I have
Trying to keep my soul at bay
Knowing the old scars are weeping again
But your logic scoffs at my conflict

The inability to feel anything cracks my calm
Slowly the crazy drips from my eyes
I clench my jaw tight to keep the rage in
My fists shake uncontrolled
Fighting the urge to reach out and just hold you
Just for one minute more until I can steal your calm
But you watch me like a mouse in a maze

I’m writhing in the agony of love unrequited
You look away disgusted
And I let the rush of everything over take me
Drowning myself in the emptiness that consumes me
I bleed the apathy in me until its dry
Waiting until the death of wanting overtakes me
And I can breathe free again

If the next words out of your mouth are not “I’m sorry for treating you like trash”… Then I have no time for you

Sleepless

The day I kissed you was the end
I wore nothing
Wrapped in your arms
Tangled in your sheets
Sleeplessly waiting for this to feel right
Slowly I began to fade
Quietly I lost my fire
Till my light dimmed to grace your features
And your shadow engulfed my soul

I should’ve known

The day I met you
It was sunny, bright
The day held promise of a new life
A new direction
You wore green
Like the moss off a dead tree
The way the light hit your face
Drove shadows and ridges
Highlighting your chiseled features
Even then I was afraid of how you made me feel
The abrasive ness of your words
The false confidence with familiar friends
You took the light and dimmed it around you
Like a blind spot in my vision
I couldn’t help but find you in a crowded place

That night we crossed paths
It was dark
It was late
You wore blue
And your eyes glowed like nothing I’d ever seen
I was breathless
Scared to death
It was the way you looked at me
An emptiness waiting to be filled
Like a hunger growling
I was a lamb to your slaughter
Shaking before you
Aching to fill your hunger
To have a taste of you

I should’ve known to walk away then
But the way you saw me
Confused and excited me
It filled me with a belief
That I was worth more than I thought
That if I gave more of me
All of me
You would return my affection
But time came and went
And you fell less and less in love
So I walked away
With what pride you let me leave with
Remembering the day I met you
When you wore green
I wore grey
Knowing the hunger between us was given freely
And that exploration was worth everything

Fiction in your eyes. Truth in your soul. Never choose your mind over your heart.

And the hand of grief gripped tight at my throat, erasing my voice, & trapping my air before I could beg you to come back to me

There’s something in the sound of your voice that makes my heart skip and my lips smirk

I guess I can’t be mad at you for your past b/c of two reasons; I never asked about it and it all happened before you met me. So I guess I have to thank all those people in your past; because if it wasn’t for them - I wouldn’t have you now.

*~Duck and Weave~*

I back pedal and dance
Dancing in circles spinning around you
With my gloves dropped
Begging you forward, baiting you in
Chest open, Smiling with chin out
Daring you to strike
You swing once
Jab twice
And my body matrix’s around you
I laugh in amusement
How easy it is for me to warp my body around yours
I hug your arms down from behind
In that moment your body relaxes
And it confuses me
I feel your body turn into me
Eyes fixed
My body goes limp
My mind goes numb
My vision closes out at the edges of your lips
And without a strike - without a blow
I’m down on the mat
Swirling in a cloud of confusion and hurt
Laying flat on my back wondering what went wrong